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11/25/03 - I Had Surgery To Keep My Man- The Mirror

How far would you go to keep your man happy? We spoke to three women who were so desperate to hang on to their partners they went under the knife. But did their efforts work?

I felt unattractive and my partner, Paul, made it quite clear he found my new figure a huge turn-off. He would take the mickey out of me calling me "flat-chested" and "saggy tits" and saying I'd become "nothing but skin and nipple".

I tried to laugh off his jibes and snide remarks but they really hurt. What a woman needs after having a baby is a partner who's supportive and tries to boost her confidence, not one who's constantly undermining her.

Paul worked away from home during the week and when he came back at weekends he would often claim to be too tired for sex. His sudden lack of interest led me to suspect he was having an affair but I was too exhausted being a working mum to confront him and start a row during the only two days of the week he was at home.

Then, soon after Thomas's first birthday, Paul announced he was moving out. Angry and upset I demanded to know if he was having an affair but he denied it, saying he just needed time alone.

My self-esteem had taken a real battering during the previous 12 months and in the weeks after he left I questioned whether any man could ever be attracted to me.

I came to the conclusion that I needed a boob job to feel sexy again. Then, out of the blue eight months after he left, Paul - who had continued seeing Thomas regularly - asked if he could move back in and give our relationship another go.

I was really thrilled, both for my sake and Thomas's, and wanted to do everything I could to make it work out between us. So I slipped into Conversation, "Oh, by the way, I'm having a boob job."

Without hesitation he piped up, "Great, I'll pay for it." He had a well-paid job with a pharmaceuticals company and as my breasts had deflated from carrying and breastfeeding our son, I thought it was only right that he should foot the bill.

Paul also just happened to know a girl who'd had it done and gave me her number so she could tell me all about it.

Two weeks later I was on the surgeon's table having an operation under general anaesthetic to take my boobs up to a DD cup. It cost £3,800 and was performed by Mr Apostolos Gaitanis at Harley Cosmetic Clinic in London.

Afterwards my breasts were so hard and swollen they were like torpedoes. But Paul was like a kid in a sweetshop and couldn't wait to get his hands on them.

I couldn't believe what a change they brought about in him. Suddenly he wanted sex all the time.

However, one thing neither of us had bargained for was that other men would also suddenly be attracted to me.

Paul hated it when we were out together and other guys gave me the eye or, even worse, tried chatting me up.

But the operation had given me a huge ego boost and, with my newfound confidence, I wasn't prepared to put up with his jealous outbursts. He wouldn't shout but he would make snide remarks, accusing me of flirting or enjoying the attention.

In April, just 10 months after the op, I came home to find he'd packed his bags and was moving out again.

I felt hurt but nowhere near as badly as I'd felt the first time.

I'd had my boob job thinking it was the only way to keep Paul but I soon realised it had actually given me the confidence to live without him.

In the early days he would get very angry when he came to collect Thomas and was forever shouting "I paid for them", as if that meant that he somehow owned my breasts.

About a month after Paul left I started dating Lee, 26, a firefighter who had been one of my clients at work for years.

We've been together six months and we're getting married in Las Vegas on December 9.

It's all a bit of a whirlwind but we're in love and really good together so why wait?

Paul is also in another relationship and we've remained civil with one another for the sake of our son.

Since experiencing how good things are with Lee I now realise that absolutely nothing - not even a boob job - could have kept me and Paul together.

The reason it didn't work was nothing to do with how I looked, we just weren't right for each other.

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Jane Coombes, 35, a graphic designer from South London, had liposuction on the top half of her legs, from her thighs to her kneecaps, in July fearing Steve, her boyfriend of four years, might leave her.

Throughout the years Steve and I were together my confidence was gradually eroded. I'd always hated my legs. Big thighs are something that runs in my family and no amount of dieting or exercise made them look any slimmer.

Although at 5ft 7ins I'm fairly tall, my legs are relatively short, making me look even more pear-shaped. Some men love women's boobs, others their bums, but Steve was definitely a leg man.

Everywhere we went he was on the look-out for women with "perfect pins". Walking around the shops, sitting outside pubs on summer evenings or lounging around on the beach, I had to put up with him leering at other women.

Steve knew I had a complex about my legs and I'd get angry and upset over what I saw as him comparing me unfavourably with others. I'd try to disguise my own legs with long, loose-fitting skirts and I never wore jeans because they made my thighs look even chunkier.

But I'd agonise over how a man who so admired women with slim, shapely legs could ever find me attractive.

And if he wasn't attracted to me, how could the relationship have a future?

We'd been together a long time and even talked about marriage and kids so the thought of us finishing really panicked me.

This was the reason I finally decided to consult cosmetic surgeon Mr Apostolos Gaitanis, at Harley Cosmetic Clinic, about having liposuction.

I was buoyed up by the thought that afterwards Steve would find it difficult keeping his hands off me.

Half a litre of fluid was suctioned out of my inner and outer thighs during the two-hour operation which cost £3,500. My legs healed quite quickly afterwards and as a celebration we booked a holiday to the South of France.

Steve had seemed as impressed as I was with my new shape so I couldn't believe it when he slipped straight back into his old ways of commenting on every long-legged woman he saw.

I was so disappointed and angry that one day on the beach I really lost my rag with him. I said: I've had enough of you. How dare you make me feel so insecure? I've had my legs done to make you happy and still you never give me any compliments. Look at you with your fat, dimply belly and your bald head. You're certainly no oil painting.

I was as shocked as he was by my outburst and we both realised pretty soon afterwards that there was no going back.

It gradually dawned on me that Steve wasn't going to change just because I'd had lipo Ð and he took real offence at what I'd said about him.

Although I knew it would be hard making the break I realised I had to get out of the relationship.

So six weeks after I'd had the surgery we went our separate ways. I had lipo to try to save a relationship that wasn't right for me but, as it turns out, it gave me the self-esteem to end it.

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Marilyn Honer, 47, is a karaoke entertainer from Camborne in Cornwall. She had a body-lift two years ago because of her embarrassment about undressing in front of her husband, Kevin, 44, a builder.

Following the birth of each of my five children I gained a few extra pounds around my tummy which I found impossible to shift. But after my youngest son, Luke, was born 12 years ago my weight ballooned and no matter how much I dieted and exercised I couldnÕt get rid of this huge, saggy apron of skin.

For the next 10 years everything I wore was bought to disguise a stomach that was so big I could only just lift it up with both hands.

My first husband, the father of my children, and I had been together for 22 years when we split up seven years ago.

We'd got together in our teens and gradually grown apart. Our relationship had been platonic for years so I never cared about him seeing my stomach.

I'd been on my own for two years when I met Kevin five years ago. He was a lovely guy and we got on brilliantly but I felt sure that if he saw my stomach it would put him off me and ruin what we had.

We were together a year before we got married and even then I managed to avoid him seeing me naked.

I felt so bad about the way I looked I couldn't even bear to see my reflection in a mirror and felt sure Kevin would feel the same. So to avoid having to take my clothes off in front of him I'd go to the bathroom, take a shower and come into the bedroom already dressed.

We only ever made love in bed with the lights out and I would try to keep as many of my clothes on as possible to prevent him either feeling or seeing my stomach.

I don't think he guessed what the real problem was but my embarrassment was putting a strain on our marriage.

How could it not when I felt certain that if my husband glimpsed me with no clothes on he would be so disgusted he'd leave?

So two years ago I decided to explore the possibility of cosmetic surgery. When I told Kevin he was worried about me but I insisted it was what I wanted and he supported me.

I went to see surgeon Winston Shaer in Hampstead, North London, who told me that what I needed was a body-lift.

The operation involved having my huge apron of flesh and fat cut away, my belly button repositioned and the skin left behind reattached to the muscle. It cost £6,500 and I couldnÕt wait to have it done.

In September 2001 I went to Wellbeck Hospital in London for the two-hour op. I couldnÕt wait to show off my new body to Kevin and went straight out and bought a selection of little thongs.

Before the op I had to buy size 20 clothes to accommodate my belly but now IÕm a size 12-14. I feel so much more attractive and it's done wonders for our sex life.